Sharing Our Stories: Thoughts on what it takes to improve race relations

Know Better, Do Better
A guest post by Marie W. Watts

Being the change we seek in race relations requires a different mindset.

Have you heard the following?

“If you do what you’ve always done, you get what you’ve always got.”

For the sake of our nation, we cannot continue business as usual. But what’s the first step in breaking the cycle?

The psychological phenomena, the Pygmalion Effect, offers clues. This paradigm focuses on self-fulfilling prophesies. High expectations in a certain area led to enhanced performance. If I expect race relations to get better, they will get better. While I cannot change other people, I can change myself.

Ask yourself this question: Are you a person who wants better race relations or are you a person who improves race relations?

Just wanting something is nice but working for it makes all the difference. Once we begin with the mindset that we are someone who works to improve race relations, then we can begin to build habits that support our identity as a change agent.

Our mindset is enforced by small wins. And these small victories become habits. Soon these new behaviors become second nature.

These are some examples of small personal wins on the journey to racial equality:

· Do you hear/read something that reinforces negative stereotypes? Research it. Is it true?

Offer different opinions to others. Ingrained cultural stereotypes are difficult to tune out. Recognize yours and change your habits—stop acting on them.

· Smile and greet persons who are different from you. Do not ignore them.

· Be thoughtful while voting or contacting your elected representatives. Do you urge them to support legislation that furthers your goal of improving race relations?

· Volunteer or donate to causes that support your identity.

· Watch programs or read books about the effects of inequality on those who are different from us. Have you seen the PBS award-winning series “Eyes on the Prize”?

· Cultivate friendships with people who are different from yourself.

Set a goal for 2021 to remake your identity. The changes you make within radiate to those around you, setting the trajectory towards equality.

~*~
Author Bio:

Marie W. Watts is a former employment discrimination investigator and human resource consultant with over twenty-five years of experience. In pursuit of justice in the workplace, she’s been from jails to corporate boardrooms seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly of humans at work. 

Her on-the-job observations came in handy when she co-authored a textbook about how to behave at work, Human Relations 4th ed. Additionally, her work has been published in the Texas Bar Journal and the Houston Business Journal as well as featured on Issues Today syndicated to 119 radio stations, NBC San Antonio, Texas, and TAMU-TV in College Station, Texas.

A popular diversity and employment discrimination trainer, Marie has trained thousands of employees to recognize their own biases and prejudices and avoid discriminating against others in the workplace. She has brought her experiences to life in the trilogy Warriors For Equal Rights about the struggles of ordinary people who work at the little-known federal agency, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

She and her husband live on a ranch in central Texas. In her spare time, she supports a historic house and hangs out with her grandsons. For more information about Marie and her stories about life, visit www.mariewatts.com.

~*~
Connect with Marie:
BookBub - https://www.bookbub.com/profile/marie-w-watts
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mariewattsbooks
Twitter - https://twitter.com/MarieWattsBooks
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mariewattswriter/
Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/marie-w-watts-5b2a2b/

Sharing Our Stories: Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness Improves Communication
A guest post by Marie W. Watts

Good communication skills are vital to building trust. Without it, we will be unable to bridge the racial divide in this country. The first step in developing your ability to express yourself effectively is to master self-awareness. Tuning into our own feelings, thoughts, and actions is paramount. Also, we need to be able to recognize how our behavior affects others.

I was raised in a rather stoic household. On the one hand, keeping my feelings hidden worked well when my younger brother jumped out and yelled “Boo!” He soon abandoned the game because I did not react. Additionally, when investigating employment discrimination complaints, knowing how to keep a poker face worked perfectly. No one knew my thoughts about the situation.

However, my inability to telegraph internal emotions caused issues in other sectors of my life. I remember my daughter saying to me, “You don’t care.” At first, my tendency was to ignore her accusation. After all, the statement was incorrect. Thankfully, I faced the uncomfortable feedback and, with some analysis, understood that I was not displaying outward signs through body language and tone of voice that reflected my emotions. Others aren’t mind readers, after all. From that point, I began a conscientious effort to use tone and facial expressions to communicate my sentiments to my loved ones and others.

Emotions play a powerful role in our lives. They are neither good nor bad—they just are. We can learn to control them or let them control us. Identifying feelings and the behaviors they elicit is paramount. Only when we know what pushes our buttons, why we do what we do, and how we react under stress can we deal with the upheaval. We can choose to consciously make choices to improve the outcome of those circumstances instead of shutting down.

The following steps can help improve self-awareness:

· Understand what you desire and why.

· Determine your strengths and weaknesses.

· Do things that make you feel good.

· Acknowledge your feelings.

· Analyze your emotional triggers. Do not be afraid to seek professional assistance to help you identify and work through them.

· Reflect on your thoughts and feelings.

· Ask for feedback.

· Monitor your self-talk by dwelling on the positives and not the negatives.

As our self-awareness increases, so does our confidence. The resulting enhanced communication skills will improve relationships with those who are different from ourselves, allowing us to be the change we seek. Additionally, it leads to a higher level of happiness. And we can all use more joy in our lives!

~*~
Author Bio:

Marie W. Watts is a former employment discrimination investigator and human resource consultant with over twenty-five years of experience. In pursuit of justice in the workplace, she’s been from jails to corporate boardrooms seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly of humans at work. 

Her on-the-job observations came in handy when she co-authored a textbook about how to behave at work, Human Relations 4th ed. Additionally, her work has been published in the Texas Bar Journal and the Houston Business Journal as well as featured on Issues Today syndicated to 119 radio stations, NBC San Antonio, Texas, and TAMU-TV in College Station, Texas.

A popular diversity and employment discrimination trainer, Marie has trained thousands of employees to recognize their own biases and prejudices and avoid discriminating against others in the workplace. She has brought her experiences to life in the trilogy Warriors For Equal Rights about the struggles of ordinary people who work at the little-known federal agency, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

She and her husband live on a ranch in central Texas. In her spare time, she supports a historic house and hangs out with her grandsons. For more information about Marie and her stories about life, visit www.mariewatts.com.

~*~
Connect with Marie:
BookBub - https://www.bookbub.com/profile/marie-w-watts
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mariewattsbooks
Twitter - https://twitter.com/MarieWattsBooks
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mariewattswriter/
Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/marie-w-watts-5b2a2b/

Sharing Our Stories: Empathy is an Art

The Art of Empathy
A guest post by Marie W. Watts

Being the change we seek requires us to practice empathy. 

Simply put, empathy is trying to understand another person’s feelings.  

According to Merriam-Webster, sympathy implies sharing (or having the capacity to share) the feelings of another, while empathy tends to be used to mean imagining, or having the capacity to imagine, feelings that we do not actually have.   

If I have had a divorce, for instance, it is easy to imagine the feelings of another who is going through marital issues (sympathy). However, if I’ve never been in that situation, conjuring up that emotional state may not be so simple (empathy).

Matthew 9:35-38 (NIV) describes how Jesus Christ practiced compassion. Compassion refers to both having empathy and the desire to mitigate the pain:

Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.”  

As our journey in the footsteps of Jesus Christ unfolds, how do we develop empathy for those who are different from us, so we can move to compassion? A few suggestions follow …

    When we are in a one-on-one situation:

·      Suspend judgment. Don’t judge until you know the person better.

·      Listen.    

·      Ask questions if you think something is wrong.    

·      Ask about feelings.

·      Show concern.

·      Pay attention to the needs of others.

 

When listening, follow these tips:

 

·      Reflect the speaker’s feelings. Example: That must have been a terrible experience.      

·      Ask for clarification using “I” phrases. Example: I’m not sure I understand. Not You’re not making any sense.

·      Use eye contact.

·      Show interest through body language.

·      Don't plan rebuttals.

·      Don't jump to conclusions.

·      Give the person your undivided attention.

·      Don’t interrupt or impose your solutions.

·      Summarize what you believe the person is saying.

Often, we are not in a position to speak with individuals who are different from us. We can still develop empathy by reading or watching programs about their experiences. My next novel involves a character whose mother is mixed race African American and Korean. Until I read an anthology of stories by these individuals, I never realized the pain and suffering they endured.      

Lastly, if you are in a position to ease someone’s pain, do so. There’s quite a bit of hurt in the world right now, and we can all use some tender loving care.

~*~

Author Bio:

Marie W. Watts is a former employment discrimination investigator and human resource consultant with over twenty-five years of experience. In pursuit of justice in the workplace, she’s been from jails to corporate boardrooms seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly of humans at work.  

Her on-the-job observations came in handy when she co-authored a textbook about how to behave at work, Human Relations 4th ed. Additionally, her work has been published in the Texas Bar Journal and the Houston Business Journal as well as featured on Issues Today syndicated to 119 radio stations, NBC San Antonio, Texas, and TAMU-TV in College Station, Texas. 

A popular diversity and employment discrimination trainer, Marie has trained thousands of employees to recognize their own biases and prejudices and avoid discriminating against others in the workplace. She has brought her experiences to life in the trilogy Warriors For Equal Rights about the struggles of ordinary people who work at the little-known federal agency, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

She and her husband live on a ranch in central Texas. In her spare time, she supports a historic house and hangs out with her grandsons. For more information about Marie and her stories about life, visit www.mariewatts.com. 

~*~
Connect with Marie:
Bookbub - https://www.bookbub.com/profile/marie-w-watts
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mariewattsbooks
Twitter - https://twitter.com/MarieWattsBooks
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mariewattswriter/
Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/marie-w-watts-5b2a2b/

Sharing Our Stories: Reconciling Sins

Reconciling the Sins of Our Ancestors
A guest post by Marie W. Watts

I, like many Caucasian Americans, have ancestors who were slaveholders. Case in point is documentation I have uncovered about my ancestor Francis Dorsett (my great-great-great-great-great grandfather) and his son John Dorsett (my direct descendent).

Francis was born in England in 1740 and migrated to the United States. The family settled in Chatham County, North Carolina. (West of Raleigh). Francis served in the Revolutionary War by furnishing supplies. Upon his death in 1813, he owned 277 acres of land. A complete inventory of possessions is fascinating and includes the following:

• a hymn book and Bible, although he was illiterate, 
• one looking glass, 
• one wagon, 
• blacksmith tools, 
• Livestock: seventeen hogs, three horses, two cattle, four sheep, 
• Kitchenware: two kettles, two pots, one skillet, one tea kettle, one set of teaware (sic), and One Negro Woman, Mime. (Note: Mime was left to Francis’s wife, Rebecca, in his will.

Rebecca was fortunate as he left her one-third of his property until her death. Then, the lands went to his sons. The custom was, at the time, to leave daughters nothing. However, he did leave Mime’s future firstborn child to his daughter as well as Mime, herself, upon Rebecca’s demise.

Slavery is abhorrent to me, and I am not personally responsible for it. Unfortunately, the remnants of slavery—racism—are woven into the fabric of our social and economic systems, leaving persons of color at a disadvantage. This impediment is not in keeping with the Christian tradition of loving your neighbor as yourself.

The question then becomes, are we responsible for the sins of our ancestors?

Dr. Michael Rhodes, in the article “Should We Repent of Our Grandparents’ Racism? Scripture on Intergenerational Sin”, suggests a closer look at Leviticus 26:40–44 for guidance. He states:

"…one reason the present generation needs to repent of the sins of their forebears is that sin causes a rupture that must be repaired. What’s required is not just that the present generation confess their sins and the sins of their ancestors, but also that they “make amends (yirṣû) for their iniquity” (26:41b, 43). If the damage one generation does is not fixed in their own day, that damage does not simply disappear at their death. The wrong must be righted, and the job may well fall on their descendants."

The healing process begins by naming our intergenerational sins and realizing how we, personally, have benefitted from them. For instance, depriving persons of color economically through the lack of good jobs, bank loans, and full participation in the American dream has left the rest of us in a better financial situation.

The second step is to actually make a change, starting within ourselves. Are we perpetuating stereotypes? Do we walk the talk of Christianity?

Until our hearts are clear, we cannot begin to take action in the community to undo the effects of racism. Once self-healing has occurred, we can take action by supporting efforts to create a racially just society. 

~*~
Author Bio:

Marie W. Watts is a former employment discrimination investigator and human resource consultant with over twenty-five years of experience. In pursuit of justice in the workplace, she’s been from jails to corporate boardrooms seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly of humans at work.

Her on-the-job observations came in handy when she co-authored a textbook about how to behave at work, Human Relations 4th ed. Additionally, her work has been published in the Texas Bar Journal and the Houston Business Journal as well as featured on Issues Today syndicated to 119 radio stations, NBC San Antonio, Texas, and TAMU-TV in College Station, Texas.

A popular diversity and employment discrimination trainer, Marie has trained thousands of employees to recognize their own biases and prejudices and avoid discriminating against others in the workplace. She has brought her experiences to life in the trilogy Warriors For Equal Rights about the struggles of ordinary people who work at the little-known federal agency, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

She and her husband live on a ranch in central Texas. In her spare time, she supports a historic house and hangs out with her grandsons. For more information about Marie and her stories about life, visit www.mariewatts.com.

~*~
Connect with Marie:
BookBub - https://www.bookbub.com/profile/marie-w-watts
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mariewattsbooks
Twitter - https://twitter.com/MarieWattsBooks
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mariewattswriter/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/marie-w-watts-5b2a2b/

Sharing Our Stories: Self-control

Striving for Self-Control
A guest post by Marie W. Watts

“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

– 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

While it sounds simple to deal with others who are different from us in the manner God intended, I continually struggle with this concept.

In the 1990s, while working for the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), I had my first contact with a Nigerian. Before this meeting, my slate was clear. I had no opinions—good or bad—about individuals from that country.

Working on his failure to hire complaints was a disaster. He became angry with me because I was not able to prove discrimination. To me, he was rude and sexist.

Sometime later, a friend and I were working on a management training class for a nonprofit. I began to complain about Nigerians, and he said, “Nigerians? Nigerians. I’ve been to their country. They are warm, wonderful people.”

Then it hit me—I was stereotyping! I took everything negative about one individual and piled it on to all who were similar to him. And my job at the EEOC was to stop others from doing the same thing.

Why is it so easy to stereotype even when we intellectually know better and are striving to follow God’s command to love others?

Our brain has a built-in function that allows us to generalize. For instance, this ability is helpful when dealing with a pot of boiling water. Once we learn that we can be burned by the boiling water, we do not have to relearn this fact every time we see a bubbling pot. Just imagine how stressful life would be without our capability to generalize.

We can trip up, however, when dealing with people. Stereotyping keeps us from seeing the individual and all his/her potential. We often handicap that person with stereotypes, never bothering to look further.

Fast forward to the 2000s. The day the AT&T store opened in La Grange, Texas, I was one of the first customers through the door. I was determined to learn all I could about the Galaxy before making the switch from my iPhone.

As I stepped inside, a man I took to be in his 70s approached me with the familiar question, “May I help you?”

My brain began yelling, “Go away, I don’t want to talk to you. You don’t know anything about smartphones! You’re too old.” I caught myself, thank goodness, and realized I was stereotyping.

Turns out, the man who approached me was an AT&T executive in town for the grand opening. He quickly turned me over to a younger individual who came from an out-of-town store to help for the day. I bought the Galaxy and spent some time exploring the features.

Several weeks later, I went back to the store to ask questions. The out-of-towners were gone, and the regular staff (Millennials and Gen-Xs) were there. I found out I knew more about the Galaxy than they did. (By the way, I am in my 60s.) Go figure.

The bottom line: In order to deal lovingly with others, we must continually monitor our tendency to lose self-control.

So, the next time you interact with someone different and began to experience negativity, stop and do a gut check. Has this individual actually done anything to elicit that emotion? Or, is stereotyping controlling your reaction? Only then can you make a conscious choice to act lovingly.

~*~
Author Bio:

Marie W. Watts is a former employment discrimination investigator and human resource consultant with over twenty-five years of experience. In pursuit of justice in the workplace, she’s been from jails to corporate boardrooms seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly of humans at work. 

Her on-the-job observations came in handy when she co-authored a textbook about how to behave at work, Human Relations 4th ed. Additionally, her work has been published in the Texas Bar Journal and the Houston Business Journal as well as featured on Issues Today syndicated to 119 radio stations, NBC San Antonio, Texas, and TAMU-TV in College Station, Texas.

A popular diversity and employment discrimination trainer, Marie has trained thousands of employees to recognize their own biases and prejudices and avoid discriminating against others in the workplace. She has brought her experiences to life in the trilogy Warriors For Equal Rights about the struggles of ordinary people who work at the little-known federal agency, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

She and her husband live on a ranch in central Texas. In her spare time, she supports a historic house and hangs out with her grandsons. For more information about Marie and her stories about life, visit www.mariewatts.com.

~*~
Connect with Marie:
Bookbub - https://www.bookbub.com/profile/marie-w-watts
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mariewattsbooks
Twitter - https://twitter.com/MarieWattsBooks
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mariewattswriter/
Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/marie-w-watts-5b2a2b/

Sharing Our Stories: Introducing the writers

Introducing Marie W. Watts, in her words:

The day my brother participated in Little League tryouts is etched in my mind. The third graders took the field, a coach hitting balls to them. I watched as a boy at shortstop reached for a slow-moving grounder hit right to him and let it roll between his legs. A terrible realization seized me. Although I could play baseball better than that little boy, I would never be allowed on the field because I was a girl.

You see, my father was an extraordinary man. Because he had led a sheltered life before being thrown into combat in WWII, he was determined that neither me nor my younger brother, would suffer the same fate. I learned to play ball, ride a bike, and mow the lawn along with my sibling.

Both of us were expected to go to college and to succeed academically. It’s remarkable, really, that I was under the illusion that my brother and I were equals until I was in fourth grade.

I expressed rage at the indignity of it all. My wonderful dad and mom did not try to put me in my place or tell me that’s just how it was. He coached a group of my girlfriends, and we had our own baseball team. Unfortunately, we could only practice. No other female teams existed at the time.

Over the years, other incidents have occurred to remind me that, while things are better, the playing field is not level. Women, persons of color, the disabled, those of certain religious faiths, low-income Americans, and the LGBTQ community struggle in various ways.

Thirty years of my career were dedicated to ending employment discrimination and teaching diversity to thousands of Texas employees. Prodding me to push forward was the disappointment, dejection, and fury I felt that day on the tryout field.

Each of us has a moral responsibility to leave this world better than when we arrived. Yes, we can vote, write our politicians, and donate to charities. But there are things we must do when interacting with others to show our commitment to change.

Over the coming year, I will be sharing ideas and skills to help control the biases and prejudices in each of us. Only by taking a fresh look at how we interact with those who are different from us and changing ourselves can we tackle the systemic racism/sexism in this country. If each of us takes responsibility for leveling the playing field even a fraction, the unfair barriers will begin to crumble.

~*~
Author Bio:

Marie W. Watts is a former employment discrimination investigator and human resource consultant with over twenty-five years of experience. In pursuit of justice in the workplace, she’s been from jails to corporate boardrooms seeing the good, the bad, and the ugly of humans at work.  

Her on-the-job observations came in handy when she co-authored a textbook about how to behave at work, Human Relations 4th ed. Additionally, her work has been published in the Texas Bar Journal and the Houston Business Journal as well as featured on Issues Today syndicated to 119 radio stations, NBC San Antonio, Texas, and TAMU-TV in College Station, Texas.

A popular diversity and employment discrimination trainer, Marie has trained thousands of employees to recognize their own biases and prejudices and avoid discriminating against others in the workplace. She has brought her experiences to life in the trilogy Warriors For Equal Rights about the struggles of ordinary people who work at the little-known federal agency, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC).

She and her husband live on a ranch in central Texas. In her spare time, she supports a historic house and hangs out with her grandsons. For more information about Marie and her stories about life, visit www.mariewatts.com.

~*~
Connect with Marie:
Bookbub - https://www.bookbub.com/profile/marie-w-watts
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/mariewattsbooks
Twitter - https://twitter.com/MarieWattsBooks
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/mariewattswriter/
Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/marie-w-watts-5b2a2b/